Mr. Pepe's move on Grandpa's lap

PEPE’S MOVE ON GRANDPA’S COMPUTER
By
WHO ELSE BUT MELVIN ZWICK THE GREAT CAT TRAINER.

Pepe, Grandpa’s ex feral cat, has become a lap fixture in Grandpa‘s home. We think he is making up for lost time.

He survived outside on his own for more than two years. He never had anyone touch him or scratch his chin whiskers.


Mr., Pepe was still pretty wild when he first started coming into Grandpa’s house.
If one was to try to touch him he would take your hand off. He was still one mean kitty. Mr. Pepe would not allow Grandpa to touch him so Grandpa had to scratch him with a back scratchier. Notice that Grandpa’s right arm is hanging over the edge of the chair so that Mr. Pepe would not see it.

Mr. Pepe reminds me, MELVIN ZWICK, of a tiger I, MELVIN ZWICK once knew while hunting in the wilds of India. There had been reports of a man eating tiger near the village of Mumbai. I, MELVIN ZWICK, the great hunter was hired by the villagers to remove this threat to their lives.

This big tiger had already eaten all the villagers cows and was about to start making the villagers his meals.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, had arrived in the afternoon and set up my camp on the outskirt of the village. It was my intent to start the hunt the next day.

On the way to the village I, MELVIN ZWICK, had spotter many tiger foot prints. Because of the number of prints I, MELVIN ZWICK, figured it would not take long to find the tiger and rid the village of him.

I had just finished my, MELVIN ZWICK’S, evening meal of steak and lobster tail and was sitting back and listening to my favorite music on my boom box. I, MELVIN ZWICK, having once sung Country Music for a living, never got tired of hearing Country Music.

So there I, MELVIN ZWICK, was lying back in my camp lounge chair enjoying Country Music while sipping Cherry Pomegranate Chrystal Lite when I, MELVIN ZWICK, heard a noise from behind me. It was not soft and gentle but strong and forceful. I, MELVIN ZWICK, was without my rifle as I, had not had time to unpack it. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I, MELVIN ZWICK, have heard tiger foot falls before but this sound was made by a much bigger tiger.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, quickly turned up the volume on my boom box thinking the loud noise would scare the tiger away.

Almost immediately I heard a loud purring. The purring noise came closer until out of the corner of my eye I, MELVIN ZWICK, could see the biggest tiger I, MELVIN ZWICK, had ever seen. I, MELVIN ZWICK, thought my days were numbered and I, MELVIN ZWICK, would end up as the tigers evening meal. Well at least I, MELVIN ZWICK, had one of my favorite foods for my last meal.

But a strange thing happened. That tiger, walking low to the ground, was swaying to the tempo of the Country Music. His eyes were half closed. He moved directly to the sound of the Country Music and laid down next to the boom box. He closed his eyes as his head swayed to the rhythm of the music. Who would have ever thought a tiger would be lulled to sleep by listening to Country Music? I, MELVIN ZWICK, was saved by Country Music. Can you believe that?

The Country Music station played five songs in a row. Then a minor catastrophe happened.

The station put on a commercial. Almost immediately that big cat opened his eyes and with a startled look and glance around. He saw me, MELVIN ZWICK, and started to lick his lips.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, am known for my quick wit. I immediately started singing a Country Western song. The tiger almost immediately closed his eyes and started swaying.

So there we were a massive tiger and me, MELVIN ZWICK the great hunter listening to Country Music. I, MELVIN ZWICK, had been hired to do away with this beautiful tiger. It was obvious there was no way I could shoot him. How could anyone put down a beautiful tiger who loved Country Music?

I remembered that I, MELVIN ZWICK, had brought along a large cage in which I had planned on using to trap one of the villagers run away elephants.

A thought came to mind. I, MELVIN ZWICK, could save this beautiful tiger and take him to the San Diego Zoo. There he could live a long happy life under the care of very loving Zoo Keepers instead of being shot here in a remote village in India.

But how could I, MELVIN ZWICK, get him into the trap? Then it dawned on me. I, MELVIN ZWICK, with stealth I had learned as a Karate Master, picked up the boom box and slowly placed it in the trap. That tiger followed the boom box right into the trap. As I, MELVIN ZWICK, was sneaking out of the trap the station played another commercial. I immediately started singing again. But I could not leave because the tiger had turned to listen to my song. I, MELVIN ZWICK, had to sing at least two songs until the station started playing music again.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, left the trap and closed the door.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, replace the boom box with a CD player containing a CD of Merle Haggard singing the songs of Jimmy Rodgers. I set the player on continual mode so that it would repeat all the songs until I, MELVIN ZWICK, turned it off.

We transported the tiger and the CD player to the San Diego Zoo where he was turned loose.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, do not think there is any more interesting information to add to this story other than to say that the beautiful tiger who they named ARES lived a very long life in the San Diego Zoo and became the proud Papa of many fine tiger cubs.

Here is a picture of beautiful twins Ares fathered.

One thing I, GRANDPA, have to say about you Melvin Zwick, is you have a very creative imagination. You start off telling a very simple story of how Grandpa’s cat, Mr. Pepe, moves into his lap then you go off on a wild, crazy phony story about you and a tiger in India.

You have never been to India and you are definitely not a great hunter unless you call hunting jack rabbit’s with a BB gun a skill that makes you a great hunter. You never sang Country Songs for a living. And another thing tigers do not purr. The mountain lion is the largest cat that purrs.

It is becoming obvious to me, MELVIN ZWICK, that I am going to have to get my own computer so you con not read what I write.

It would not make a difference. No one believes you anyway.

OK, it’s back to the story of Mr. Pepe.

Mr. Pepe, Grandpa’s ex feral cat is making up for lost time.

He thinks he is entitled to either Grandma’s or Grandpa’s lap. Nothing that Grandpa does while sitting in his easy chair is a deterrent to Mr. Pepe when he makes up his mind he needs a lap to lay in.

Grandpa spends a lot of time in my easy chair working on his lap top. The lap top does not stand in Mr. Pepe’s way when he is on the move to Grandpa’s lap.


First Mr. Pepe sits on the couch and watches a little TV. Mr. Pepe is especially fond of animal programs on the National Geographic channel.


Then he notices that Grandpa is in his easy chair working on his computer. You can see by the look on Mr. Pepe’s face that he is wondering why he is not in Grandpa’s lap.

Mr. Pepe gets up and starts his move on Grandpa’s lap. He slowly moves to the end table. Grandpa not wanting him in his lap tells Mr. Pepe no. Mr. Pepe lays down on the end table and watches Grandpa.
When Mr. Pepe thinks grandpa will not notice him he starts moving again.

Grandpa spots him and says no several times. Mr. Pepe lies down again but he is closer to Grandpa’s lap.



Then it up again as he moves towards Grandpa’s lap but Grandpa’s no’s only slow him down.



But at this stage all the no’s by Grandpa will not deter Mr. Pepe from getting in
Grandpa’s lap. Mr. Pepe is now committed to lie in Grandpa’s lap. He moves as slow as molasses in January but does not stop.

Mr. Pepe has reached his destination. He is on Grandpa’s lap.
Grandpa can no longer work on his computer so it gets set aside and Mr. Pepe gets his head scratched.

If Grandpa is inconsiderate enough to ignore Mr. Pepe he puts his head on Grandpa’s left hand and prevents Grandpa from typing stories.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT.
ANOTHER GREAT STORY BY ME, MELVIN ZWICK