MELVIN ZWICK AND THE BEAR

MELVIN ZWICK AND THE BEAR
by
NONE OTHER THEN THE GREAT MELVIN ZWICK

You all know how hot it gets in Phoenix. How hot does it get? Why it gets so hot we do not need a fire to roast our marshmallows. We just put them on a stick and set them out in the sun. They should not be left out too long or they will catch fire and turn into charcoal.
This story is about the black bear I, MELVIN ZWICK, met while roasting my, MELVIN ZWICK, marshmallows over a camp fire in the beautiful tall pines of Flagstaff. After turning most of a package of marshmallows into charcoal I, MELVIN ZWICK, the guy who can do anything, figured how to make a tasty roasted marshmallow. You take the marshmallow out of the package, hold it in the cupped palms of you hands until it warms up, then you eat it. No more charcoal marshmallows for me, the GREAT MELVIN ZWICK.
One night the Park Ranger was talking to all of us campers while we were sitting around a nice campfire. He was telling us about all the critters that live in the forest.
He said there were black bears and grizzles bears living all around us. Both bears can be dangerous. If one decides to get you, you will not be able to outrun it. They run much faster that a person can run. They can climb up a tree after you.
So what do you do? The best defense is to carry a whistle and a can of pepper spray. If you run into a bear blow the whistle as loud and as long as you can. Bears do not like loud noises. If the bear gets too close use the pepper spray.
Someone asked how can you tell if the bear near us is a black bear of grizzly. The ranger said you have to look at the bear poop. If it contains nuts and berries the bear that left it is a black bear. If the poop contains a whistle and a can of pepper spray it is a grizzly bear.
Well that gave us a little to think about.
After the talk we all roasted some marshmallows. Most of the campers created charcoal for their BBQ pit. I, MELVIN ZWICK, did my usual marshmallow roasting thing and had lots of great roasted marshmallows. By the way did I tell you, you have to wash your hands very well before cupping the marshmallow.
After the marshmallow roast the ranger said one of the campers had a bunch of watermelons and invited us all to share in some \dessert.
So we all sat around eating and spitting. That is another nice thing about camping. You can spit the seeds on the ground and not have to worry about the cleaning lady complaining about the mess.
When we were all don a nice lady picked up the rinds in her arms and walked over to the nearest trash can. Luckily the lid was open. She walked up to the can and was about to drop all these rinds into the can when two hairy paws reached up and grabbed them. The lady turned screaming and ran back to her camper, grabbed her whistle and pepper spray. The noise was deafening and the smell of the pepper spray made all of us tear up. It seemed there was a black bear in the trash can.
I, MELVIN ZWICK, had so many tears in my eyes I, MELVIN ZWICK, could not find my camper and my camera. So that bear got away without me, MELVIN ZWICK, taking his portrait.
Well after a long night of nervous chatter we all went to our campers and had some nervous sleep.
After that I, MELVIN ZWICK, always had my camera with me. Two afternoons later I, MELVIN ZWICK, took these pictures.


Here he is waiting for dinner. He looks like he can wait a little while.


Now he is getting a little anxious. No one wanted to walk up to him and feed him. Thank goodness for a telephoto lens on my, MELVIN ZWICK’S, camera.
Well that ends another MELVIN ZWICK story.

Well almost. On the way out I, MELVIN ZWICK, took this picture of the sign posted by the Park Ranger.



Melvin Zwick you are such a false story creator. Nothing about this story is true. You can not roast marshmallows in the Phoenix heat without a fire. You did not go camping in Flagstaff. You were home helping me, GRANDPA, create jewelry. You never ate watermelons and you did not take the pictures of the bear. However they sure are great pictures.

Mr. Pepe's move on Grandpa's lap

PEPE’S MOVE ON GRANDPA’S COMPUTER
By
WHO ELSE BUT MELVIN ZWICK THE GREAT CAT TRAINER.

Pepe, Grandpa’s ex feral cat, has become a lap fixture in Grandpa‘s home. We think he is making up for lost time.

He survived outside on his own for more than two years. He never had anyone touch him or scratch his chin whiskers.


Mr., Pepe was still pretty wild when he first started coming into Grandpa’s house.
If one was to try to touch him he would take your hand off. He was still one mean kitty. Mr. Pepe would not allow Grandpa to touch him so Grandpa had to scratch him with a back scratchier. Notice that Grandpa’s right arm is hanging over the edge of the chair so that Mr. Pepe would not see it.

Mr. Pepe reminds me, MELVIN ZWICK, of a tiger I, MELVIN ZWICK once knew while hunting in the wilds of India. There had been reports of a man eating tiger near the village of Mumbai. I, MELVIN ZWICK, the great hunter was hired by the villagers to remove this threat to their lives.

This big tiger had already eaten all the villagers cows and was about to start making the villagers his meals.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, had arrived in the afternoon and set up my camp on the outskirt of the village. It was my intent to start the hunt the next day.

On the way to the village I, MELVIN ZWICK, had spotter many tiger foot prints. Because of the number of prints I, MELVIN ZWICK, figured it would not take long to find the tiger and rid the village of him.

I had just finished my, MELVIN ZWICK’S, evening meal of steak and lobster tail and was sitting back and listening to my favorite music on my boom box. I, MELVIN ZWICK, having once sung Country Music for a living, never got tired of hearing Country Music.

So there I, MELVIN ZWICK, was lying back in my camp lounge chair enjoying Country Music while sipping Cherry Pomegranate Chrystal Lite when I, MELVIN ZWICK, heard a noise from behind me. It was not soft and gentle but strong and forceful. I, MELVIN ZWICK, was without my rifle as I, had not had time to unpack it. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I, MELVIN ZWICK, have heard tiger foot falls before but this sound was made by a much bigger tiger.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, quickly turned up the volume on my boom box thinking the loud noise would scare the tiger away.

Almost immediately I heard a loud purring. The purring noise came closer until out of the corner of my eye I, MELVIN ZWICK, could see the biggest tiger I, MELVIN ZWICK, had ever seen. I, MELVIN ZWICK, thought my days were numbered and I, MELVIN ZWICK, would end up as the tigers evening meal. Well at least I, MELVIN ZWICK, had one of my favorite foods for my last meal.

But a strange thing happened. That tiger, walking low to the ground, was swaying to the tempo of the Country Music. His eyes were half closed. He moved directly to the sound of the Country Music and laid down next to the boom box. He closed his eyes as his head swayed to the rhythm of the music. Who would have ever thought a tiger would be lulled to sleep by listening to Country Music? I, MELVIN ZWICK, was saved by Country Music. Can you believe that?

The Country Music station played five songs in a row. Then a minor catastrophe happened.

The station put on a commercial. Almost immediately that big cat opened his eyes and with a startled look and glance around. He saw me, MELVIN ZWICK, and started to lick his lips.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, am known for my quick wit. I immediately started singing a Country Western song. The tiger almost immediately closed his eyes and started swaying.

So there we were a massive tiger and me, MELVIN ZWICK the great hunter listening to Country Music. I, MELVIN ZWICK, had been hired to do away with this beautiful tiger. It was obvious there was no way I could shoot him. How could anyone put down a beautiful tiger who loved Country Music?

I remembered that I, MELVIN ZWICK, had brought along a large cage in which I had planned on using to trap one of the villagers run away elephants.

A thought came to mind. I, MELVIN ZWICK, could save this beautiful tiger and take him to the San Diego Zoo. There he could live a long happy life under the care of very loving Zoo Keepers instead of being shot here in a remote village in India.

But how could I, MELVIN ZWICK, get him into the trap? Then it dawned on me. I, MELVIN ZWICK, with stealth I had learned as a Karate Master, picked up the boom box and slowly placed it in the trap. That tiger followed the boom box right into the trap. As I, MELVIN ZWICK, was sneaking out of the trap the station played another commercial. I immediately started singing again. But I could not leave because the tiger had turned to listen to my song. I, MELVIN ZWICK, had to sing at least two songs until the station started playing music again.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, left the trap and closed the door.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, replace the boom box with a CD player containing a CD of Merle Haggard singing the songs of Jimmy Rodgers. I set the player on continual mode so that it would repeat all the songs until I, MELVIN ZWICK, turned it off.

We transported the tiger and the CD player to the San Diego Zoo where he was turned loose.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, do not think there is any more interesting information to add to this story other than to say that the beautiful tiger who they named ARES lived a very long life in the San Diego Zoo and became the proud Papa of many fine tiger cubs.

Here is a picture of beautiful twins Ares fathered.

One thing I, GRANDPA, have to say about you Melvin Zwick, is you have a very creative imagination. You start off telling a very simple story of how Grandpa’s cat, Mr. Pepe, moves into his lap then you go off on a wild, crazy phony story about you and a tiger in India.

You have never been to India and you are definitely not a great hunter unless you call hunting jack rabbit’s with a BB gun a skill that makes you a great hunter. You never sang Country Songs for a living. And another thing tigers do not purr. The mountain lion is the largest cat that purrs.

It is becoming obvious to me, MELVIN ZWICK, that I am going to have to get my own computer so you con not read what I write.

It would not make a difference. No one believes you anyway.

OK, it’s back to the story of Mr. Pepe.

Mr. Pepe, Grandpa’s ex feral cat is making up for lost time.

He thinks he is entitled to either Grandma’s or Grandpa’s lap. Nothing that Grandpa does while sitting in his easy chair is a deterrent to Mr. Pepe when he makes up his mind he needs a lap to lay in.

Grandpa spends a lot of time in my easy chair working on his lap top. The lap top does not stand in Mr. Pepe’s way when he is on the move to Grandpa’s lap.


First Mr. Pepe sits on the couch and watches a little TV. Mr. Pepe is especially fond of animal programs on the National Geographic channel.


Then he notices that Grandpa is in his easy chair working on his computer. You can see by the look on Mr. Pepe’s face that he is wondering why he is not in Grandpa’s lap.

Mr. Pepe gets up and starts his move on Grandpa’s lap. He slowly moves to the end table. Grandpa not wanting him in his lap tells Mr. Pepe no. Mr. Pepe lays down on the end table and watches Grandpa.
When Mr. Pepe thinks grandpa will not notice him he starts moving again.

Grandpa spots him and says no several times. Mr. Pepe lies down again but he is closer to Grandpa’s lap.



Then it up again as he moves towards Grandpa’s lap but Grandpa’s no’s only slow him down.



But at this stage all the no’s by Grandpa will not deter Mr. Pepe from getting in
Grandpa’s lap. Mr. Pepe is now committed to lie in Grandpa’s lap. He moves as slow as molasses in January but does not stop.

Mr. Pepe has reached his destination. He is on Grandpa’s lap.
Grandpa can no longer work on his computer so it gets set aside and Mr. Pepe gets his head scratched.

If Grandpa is inconsiderate enough to ignore Mr. Pepe he puts his head on Grandpa’s left hand and prevents Grandpa from typing stories.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT.
ANOTHER GREAT STORY BY ME, MELVIN ZWICK

THE NEXT 7 ARROWS HOME RUN SLUGGER
by
THE GREAT SPORTS ANANALIZER MELVIN ZWICK

The family at the Crossroads Country Ranch has added to their reputation as a baseball player producing Dynasty.

Their first player of note in this Dynasty is Kyle the home run slugger and fantastic strike out pitcher who is following in the footsteps of the great Babe Ruth.

Kyle is known as the fearsome strike out pitcher of the Mossyrock baseball team. The batters who face him quake in their baseball shoes as he winds up for his next pitch.
Kyle is an avid supporter of the Arizona Diamondbacks baseball team when all his team mates are Seattle Mariners Fans.

Now Kyle is joined by his younger brother, the next Crossroads Country Ranch super baseball player, Timothy.

This photo was taken by Chocolate Loving Momma with her new 14X optical zoom camera from the balcony of the Crossroads Country Ranch house.
Here is Timothy holding his older sister Lydia on at third base while Kyle is about to pitch to one of his sisters who is a member of his great support team . Kyle and Timothy sisters Lydia, Victoria, Caroline and Valerie who are on the field are members of the boys excellent support team.

Older sister Lydia, known for her excellent sheep herding ability, is giving Timothy baseball advice while they admire the second birthday cake of the Joseph, next son at the Crossroads Country Ranch.

As of the writing of this story Joseph has shown considerable Karate skills. Here Joseph is demonstrating his side kick against his instructor. Not bad for a two year old.

Victoria, the crash and bang kid, is giving Timothy written instructions he should follow in his next baseball game.

Timothy who is very appreciative of his sisters help is shown with his sister Valerie, also known as Huggy Bear, as she reads a thank you note he has given her expressing his thanks for her help.

The is the Little General Caroline who is known for giving both her brothers great baseball advice. She is also known to be an avid rock climber

Here he is, Timothy, the subject of this story, in all his joy about to throw out one of his sisters.
What a great photo Chocolate Loving Momma took of Timothy with her new camera set at its 14X optical Zoom setting. It shows a typical delighted All American boy in his rubber boots and holey pants throwing a baseball. What more could this photo show? Absolutely nothing. It captures the All American theme perfectly. Congrats to a great mother and photographer.

Here is a photo of our boy wearing the cap of his favorite baseball team, the Portland Web Feet.

This photo shows the power of a 14X optical Zoom camera.
The main photo shows the lens setting at the normal range and the smaller insert shows the lens setting at 14X.
With this new camera Chocolate Loving Momma should be able to take great photos of her boys as they play baseball.

This photo shows the hazards of being in the range of Chocolate Loving Mommas 14X zoom camera. Timothy thought he could get away with goofing off for a few minutes but Momma caught him. Actually he is studying the critters that are about to steal third base.

And there you have it, another great sports story from the great sports Analyzer MELVIN ZWICK.

TIMOTHY'S PJ BOTTOMS

TIMOTHY LOOSES HIS PANTS

OR

THE DAY MELVIN ZWICK STOLE THE BRITCHES

by

WHO ELSE BUT THE GREAT MELVIN ZWICK

I, MELVIN ZWICK, made a surprise visit to the Bowes ranch early one morning. As usual all the animals were in the pasture and all the Bowes were sound asleep.


They were tired after spending the whole day at the.



Muttin Buster Timothy rode a sheep for about a second. That is no world record but it must have been fun for the great sheep rider Timothy.
However this morning I, MELVIN ZWICK, was worried about Gabriel the goat. He looked like he was a little cold. All the Gritter Getters were still in bed. There was no one to help warm up Gabriel. What was I, MELVIN ZWICK to do.



Then Timothy showed up out of no where wearing his pajamas, helmet and rubber boots. I. MELVIN ZWICK, was fascinated by timothy as he rode the farm tractor going varoom, varoom, varoom.


Now I, MELVIN ZWICK, can understand why the rubber boots are necessary, There is lots of wet grass and used hay and grain scattered all over the yard. Rubber boots are a very important for anyone walking in the yard.


But why the helmet?


So I, MELVIN ZWICK, scratched my head when a light bulb pooped up and lit up the cool morning air. A brilliant MELVIN ZWICK, idea. I, MELVIN ZWICK the great animal protector would steal Timothy’s pajama bottoms and put them on Gabriel.


Angel, the llama was giving me, MELVIN ZWICK, a very suspicious look as I, MELVIN ZWICK, put Timothy‘s pajama bottoms on Gabriel back side.


I, MELVIN ZWICK, remember the pasting Angle gave me when I, MELVIN ZWICK, took Grandpa’s pots outside to get a better look at them.


I, MELVIN ZWICK, had one eye on Angel and one on Gabriel.


Here is Angel and Gabriel with his pants on.


Timothy, being a typical boy, thought it was a funny thing that I, MELVIN ZWICK, stole his pajama bottoms and put them on Gabriel’s bottom side. He was laughing as he looked at his pajamas bottoms on Gabriel.


Unfortunately Timothy’s bottom got cold when he sat down on the farm tractor seat. So Timothy went to the front door to go inside and get a second set of pajama bottoms. Chocolate loving Momma just happen to be by the front door with her camera when Timothy showed up at the door.


So what do we have? Another one of Chocolate Loving Momma’s great photos.
As you can see in the photo, Timothy is still laughing.

Wait a minute. I, MELVIN ZWICK, just figured why the helmet.
Timothy was on the tractor going varoom varoom varoom. Everyone knows that one must wear a helmet if you race around on a farm tractor.

THE END FOR NOW

WHICH IS BETTER FISH OR MARSHMALLOWS?
By
WHO ELSE BUT THE GREAT MELVIN ZWICK

Lydia and Kyle went fishing in Swofford Pond which is near the Bowes Ranch.
The picture reminds me of a song. “PUT YOUR SHOES ON LUCY DON’T YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN THE CITY.”

Now friends, I, MELVIN ZWICK, have seen Swofford Pond. Here in Arizona when we have a body of fresh water as big as Swofford Pond we call it a lake.

So I, MELVIN ZWICK, wanting to be correct in defining what a lake is looked up the word on Wikipedia. What a weird name, Wikipedia. Anyway Wikipedia, had the following to say about lakes.

A lake (from Latin lacus) is a terrain feature (or physical feature) that is a considerable inland body of water, not part of the ocean, that is larger and deeper than a pond, and may or may not be moving slowly, and is localized to the bottom of basin (another type of landform or terrain feature) and is fed by a river.[1][2]
Natural lakes are generally found in mountainous areas, rift zones, and areas with ongoing or recent glaciation. Other lakes are found in endorheic basins or along the courses of mature rivers. In some parts of the world, there are many lakes because of chaotic drainage patterns left over from the last Ice Age. All lakes are temporary over geologic time scales, as they will slowly fill in with sediments or spill out of the basin containing them.
There is considerable uncertainty about defining the difference between lakes and ponds. For example, limnologists have defined lakes as waterbodies which are simply a larger version of a pond, or which have wave action on the shoreline, or where wind induced turbulence plays a major role in mixing the water column. None of these definitions completely excludes ponds and all are difficult to measure. For this reason there has been increasing use made of simple size-based definitions to separate ponds and lakes. In the United Kingdom, for example, the charity Pond Conservation - which works to protect all types of freshwater ecosystem - has defined lakes as waterbodies of 2 hectares (5 acres) or more in area [3]. Elsewhere, other workers have treated lakes as waterbodies of 5 hectares (12 acres) and above, or 8 hectares (20 acres) and above (see definitions of pond). Charles Elton, one of the founders of ecology, regarded lakes as waterbodies of 40 hectares (99 acres) or more, a value somewhat larger than modern studies would suggest appropriate [4]. The term "lake" is also used to describe a feature such as Lake Eyre, which is a dry basin most of the time but may become filled under seasonal conditions of heavy rainfall.

How is that for a bunch of gobbly gook?

After all that I, MELVIN ZWICK, still think that Swofford Pond in Arizona would be called Swofford Lake.

This is LAKE BILLY CHINOOK in Deschutes National Forest, Oregon. Its not bigger that Swooford pond and it is still a lake. Maybe in Oregon small bodies of water are lakes and in Washington they are ponds.
Anyway with a name like LAKE BILLY CHINOOK it would have to be a lake and not a pond. In fact with a name like LAKE BILLY CHINOOK it should be an ocean.

And so we have discussed ponds vs. lakes which leads us to marshmallows.

How did we get to marshmallows from ponds and lakes you ask. Come on I know you are wondering. Lakes to marshmallows? How did that happen?

Well family it is quite simple for me, MELVIN ZWICK, to get to marshmallows from lakes. First the subject of this paper is ponds and lakes and what do they have in common? Water right. And what letter does water start with? “W” correct. And what does a “W” have to do with marshmallows?
You must remember that in my, MELVIN ZWICK’S weird and upside down world the letter “W” could lead to Marshmallows.

I could make it a puzzle for all of you to solve but this time I, MELVIN ZWICK, will divulge how I, MELVIN ZWICK, got to marshmallows from ponds and lakes.

Water is common to both ponds and lakes and water starts with “W” which in my, MELVIN ZWICK, upside world is an upside down “M” which is what the word marshmallows starts with. Simple right?
Not only that but Chocolate Loving Momma sent pictures of Mr. Joseph sneaking into the pantry and getting a before smores package. I, MELVIN ZWICK could not let those pictures get by without a few comments by me, MELVIN ZWICK.

The following is in Joseph own thoughts. I, MELVIN ZWICK, used my psychic ability to read his mind from the photos Chocolate Loving Momma put into her blog.

“Ha Ha Chocolate Loving Momma is helping Valerie use some things that are sharp but I don’t know the word for them yet. They are working on some cloth. Something about a future dress.
I will just sneak into the pantry and see what I can find. If I am real sneaky no one will know I, JOESPH, am in the pantry.
Oh boy a bag of some white squishy things that look like they might be something good to eat. I, JOSEPH, remember that my brothers and sisters use these things on a stick over a fire and make them all black then eat them. I, JOSEPH, wonder what they taste like.”
I, JOSEPH, could open the bag and eat some. If I, JOSEPH, Dood It I might get into trouble. I, JOSEPH, will dood it anyway.

“Lets see. How do they taste? Uhmmmmm they taste good. I, JOSEPH, bet they taste a lot better than those black things my brothers and sisters eat.”




“These things are really squishy. I, JOSEPH, wonder how many I can put into my mouth at a time before Chocolate Loving Momma catches me? Lets see I have four in my mouth now and am about to cram in another one.”




“Oh oh!!!!!!!!!!! Caught in the act. Maybe I, JOSEPH, can convince Chocolate Loving Momma that the monkeys on my pajamas made me dood it.”
“While I, JOSEPH, explain it maybe Chocolate Loving Momma may not notice that I am about to eat another one.”
“ I love my Momma. All she did was take pictures of me, Joseph eating those squishy things.”

THE END FOR NOW

Melvin Zwicks location

Miss Robyn,

Chocolate Loving Momma, your comment indicates that you don't belong to the Bowes Five Arrow Great Detectives.

The Bowes Five Arrows would have spotted me, MELVIN ZWICK, Maybe I should have made spotting me, MELVIN ZWICK, a puzzle for all to solve.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, am hiding in the upper right corner of the photo.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, know it is l little difficult to make me, MELVIN ZWICK, out but I, MELVIN ZWICK,` am sitting there.

There goes Melvin Zwick again. Melvin Zwick never was sitting in the bleachers as he said. That fellow in the upper right corner of the photo is some poor fellow who lost his indemnity to Melvin Zwick.

JOSEPH AND THE DEMOLITION DERBY

JOSEPH AND THE DEMOLITION DERBY
by
MELVIN ZWICK, THE GREAT DEMOLITION DRIVER

The Bowes and Seven Arrows went to the SW Washington Fair to see me, MELVIN ZWICK, drive his number 32, Donut Patrol car in the Fair’s Demolition Derby.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, am a champion Demolition Derby driver and was delighted that Grandpa’s Family were at the Fair to see me, MELVIN ZWICK, win another race. I, MELVIN ZWICK, know that I will win this race because Kyle, Timothy and Joseph helped tune up the Donut Patrol engine. My Donut Patrol car was tuned up and raring to go.

Here is Lydia, Timothy, Valerie, Computer Expert Daddy, Caroline, Joseph, Victoria and Kyle waiting to see me, MELVIN ZWICK, win another race. Little did they know that I, MELVIN ZWICK, was sitting in the stands debating what to do. You can see me in the purple shirt sitting in the upper right of the photo.

Unfortunately, just before the race I, MELVIN ZWICK, had entered the Bull riding contest. I, MELVIN ZWICK, rode that raging bull for the full time and was awarded enough points to win the Bull riding contest. Unfortunately while getting off that mean bull I, MELVIN ZWICK, fell and hurt my, MELVIN ZWICK’S, shoulder. I, MELVIN ZWICK, am a tough old bird and was ready to enter the Demolition Derby when the Doctor who examined my, MELVIN ZWICK, shoulder said I had better sit in the stands and watch the race and not enter the race.
I was sitting in the stands debating if I should race and not disappoint the family or tell them about my injury. I, MELVIN ZWICK, made the decision to follow the Doctors advice and not race.

I, MELVIN ZWICK, told Grandpa’s family about my, MELVIN ZWICK’S, shoulder condition.

Lydia said, “Oh poor Melvin Zwick, are you hurting very much? To bad you were not riding Justice the sheep. He would not have hurt you”

Kyle said, “If that mean bull was here I would hit it just like I hit that pinata.”

Victoria laughted holding up her starfish bitten hand and said, “I am not laughing at your hurt but about you Melvin Zwick, having just joined me in the Crash and Bang gang.”

Valerie said, “Melvin Zwick can I get you something to make you feel better?"

Caroline said, “Hey Melvin Zwick I wanted you to climb the climbing wall with me. Now I will just have to climb it by myself”

Timothy just looked at me MELVIN ZWICK, with a very sad face.

Joseph, who had just finished eating a bag of Cheetoes, was jumping up and down and pointing to his chest. Valerie interpreted Joseph actions and said he wanted to drive Melvin Zwicks number 32 car in the Demolition Derby.

So there was a serious discussion between the members of The Bowes family and me, MELVIN ZWICK. The Six arrows all agreed that the seventh Arrow should be allowed to enter the race in the Donut Patrol car. Chocolate loving Momma was very much against having her baby Joseph driving in the race.
I, MELVIN ZWICK, had a difficult time finding a picture of Chocolate Loving Momma. It seems she is always behind the camera and not in front of it. This one is a little old.

Computer Expert Daddy listened to all the discussion then said. “We should follow our family policy and vote on the subject.”

A quick vote was taken and poor Chocolate loving Momma lost. The vote was seven to one. Joseph did not vote as the vote was about him.

It was obvious that Joseph would need some training now that the decision was made to allow Joseph to drive my, MELVIN ZWICK, Donut Patrol. I, MELVIN ZWICK, the expert teacher, showed Joseph all the controls and told him the rules of the race. Computer expert Daddy and I, MELVIN ZWICK, placed some extensions on the gas and clutch petal. The brake is not used in a demolition Derby.

While the training was going on six of the Seven Arrows took a break and had some ice cream.

Joseph listened with intent and absorbed everything I, MELVIN ZWICK, the champion Demolition Derby driver told him. He was ready.

Wait a minute. Joseph did not have a helmet. You can’t race without a helmet. When was the last time the helmet was last seen.

It was worn by Timothy when he was crab fishing. Chocolate Loving Momma made a quick trip to the camper and found the helmet.

Joseph left the family and drove to the track.

The announcer spoke into the mike and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen and all you Rednecks, Melvin ZWICK , the Champion Demolition Derby driver will not be driving his Number 32 car today. He hurt his shoulder in the bull riding contest. Driving in his place will be Joseph Bowes.”

The fans all knew that I, MELVIN ZWICK, the Champion Demolition Derby driver was scheduled to drive the number 32 car. That’s why they were there at the race. When they realized that I, MELVIN ZWICK, was not driving they started to leave.

Everyone in the stands gasps when they saw little Joseph driving the number 32 car onto the track.

They sat back down figuring it might be a very interesting race after all.

The race was started and Joseph due to his excellent training from me, MELVIN ZWICK, and his excellent reflexes was knocking cars left and right. You can see him in the number 32 car at the right of this photo. He is after the white car after forcing the two tone white and red car into the tires.

Joseph can be seen backing on his way to wipe out the red car after putting the yellow car out of action. All the cars in the pile up near the tires were put out of the race by Joseph.
Joseph was the only car driving after he put the red car out of action.

All the fans in the bleachers gave Joseph a standing ovation. Chocolate Loving Momma was so happy that her baby Joseph was safe that she had tears streaming from her face. She was totally incapable of taking any more pictures of her award winning son.

So if any of you want to see a picture of Championship Demolition Derby Driver Joseph accepting his award you will have to look in a SW Washington newspaper.

And so Joseph won his first trophy.

Timothy cheered so hard during the race that he went to sleep after the race.

Joseph could not see why his family was so excited about his win. He said he only followed my, MELVIN ZWICK’S instructions. How could he not win with those instructions.
He promptly went to sleep in Computer Expert Daddy’s arms. Computer Expert Daddy was so very proud of his little boy.

THE END UNTIL THE NEXT RACE

There you go again Melvin Zwick. You see a few photos of my daughter Chocolate loving Momma and her husband Computer Expert Daddy and the Seven arrows, Lydia, Kyle, Caroline, Victoria, Valerie, Timothy and Joseph and you write some far fetched story. The only thing true in this story is the photos. They are for real.